Turning On Your Success Faucet

I’m not a New Year’s Resolution type of person. For me it runs much deeper. I set “Intentions” that are based upon my deeper life goals. My intentions form the basis of my decisions when choosing which tool I will select from my inner toolbox and how I will employ it as I make choices all year long. When faced with a decision, I ask myself, “What choice takes me closer to my goal? Does this align with my intention?” You should know that these are not ordinary goals; they are the heart-filled keys to my success. Success that starts in my inner world and is mirrored in my outer success.

Many of my clients come to me saying, “I don’t know what I want to do next. I just know it’s not what I’ve been doing.” These are executives and professionals with many of the trappings of externally based success. What they are seeking is more than just a new job, they are looking for satisfaction, a sense of meaning from what they do – I call it inner success. In my experience, nearly every one of them does know, deep inside, what it is they want to do, they simply need some help in the excavation work. And when they tap into this inner success, it shines brightly in their external success.

In the process of digging deeply into this tomb where our desires have been buried, we start with the question “What do you want? No, I mean REALLY want!” When I first asked myself this question, I realized that the part of me I’ve come to call my Wanter was broken. Long ago, I had learned how to determine what was available to me and then make myself seem happy with whatever crumb was offered, instead of discerning what I truly wanted and then being willing to do what it took to get what I wanted, really wanted, deep down. Perhaps you, too, have lived under the admonition to “be practical” or you squelch your desires before they even have a breath with phrases like “it isn’t realistic.” How do you know what is possible if you don’t allow yourself to even know what you want?

Too many of us decide what we want based on what we were told we should want. Every day, I talk with clients who, after completing medical school or law school, have practiced a profession for decades, because that’s what their parents thought they should be doing. Or men and women with MBA’s who tell me that following their dreams now would be a waste of all that education. Or that the debt they’ve amassed creating the illusion of external success has them feeling trapped. I am always amazed how people seemingly at the pinnacle of their careers, are secretly unhappy and wonder why. These are wonderful people who have houses or cars or activities or entire lives that are founded on having what the culture has defined as markers of success. Yet, they are caught in the meat grinder of wanting what cannot fill them up.

See if this you can relate to this scenario. You and a friend are meeting for dinner while you’re away on business. Your friend suggests a restaurant that you don’t know anything about but he says got great reviews. When you arrive at the restaurant, it’s impressive, but on your first scan of the menu, nothing jumps out at you. Disappointed, you take a second look, deciding to choose something from what is available. While your stomach will be full at the end of the meal, and surely you’ll have enjoyed conversation with your friend, and can brag at home about going to such a fine restaurant, you end up grabbing a candy bar from the mini-bar back in your hotel room as you flick on the TV to watch The Daily Show.

Now imagine this scenario. Your friend asks you what you’d like to eat for dinner and you tell him you have been craving eggplant parmagiano. He suggests a little Italian bistro near your hotel. You order the eggplant parm. Your mouth is delighted, your tummy hums and you and your friend linger long into the night catching up on each other’s lives. As you tuck into your hotel room that night, you feel satisfied and notice the smile on your face and how it’s coming from deep inside you.

What’s the difference? You knew what you wanted and when you got it, it satisfied more than just an externally motivated part of you.

That deeper satisfaction comes from aligning our external actions with our inner goals. It is the secret to your success. Those of us who are fulfilling our inner goals have what seems like effortless success. We are using our talents and expressing our values. But getting to those inner goals requires looking beyond status, power and other people’s opinions. It requires looking beyond what’s simply available to choose from and trying to make yourself happy with it and, instead, delving into your own heart’s wanting. Maybe this year, for Valentine’s Day, you might give yourself or your sweetheart a chance to live a heartfelt life. I have put together some ideas here.

I frequently ask my clients questions like these:

  • What is the legacy you want to leave behind marking your life in the world?
  • If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
  • What would you do if all jobs paid the same and had the same prestige?
  • When in your life have you been most joy-filled and engaged?
  • What is your secret dream?
  • What are the barriers to combining happy and successful in your life?

In April, I will be hosting a 3-day workshop in Scottsdale, Arizona called Tapping Your Inner Wealth. This workshop will be focused on working in person with a small group of men and women to identify your inner success and make it shine as your outer wealth. If you are unable to join me live in Scottsdale, I will be launching an eight week online telecourse in May to help you Turn on Your Own Tap of Success or you can schedule a phone session with me by clicking on the link in the sidebar at the upper right of this column.

Before you decide that what you want is impossible for yourself, I ask you to reframe that statement and see if really the way to read the word impossible is “I’m possible”.






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